


Spy Thursday

by PaigeTico



Series: xXFallenstarXx's BuckyNat Week 2017 [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fake Relationship, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-11 12:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10464720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaigeTico/pseuds/PaigeTico
Summary: Two spies in a love hotel. Two lovers who don't know how to love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *posts something due five days ago*

‘Good morning, Natalia.’

‘Good morning, Headmistress,’ replies Natalia out of habit, in a monotone voice. 

‘You have been assigned a mission. You and the Winter Soldier shall be flown to Kyoto to collect several files and kill the person carrying them.’

‘Understood,’ deadpans Natalia.

***

‘Are you sure this is the right address, James?’ asks Natalia, scratching her nose.

‘It should be.’ 

She looks again at the building they’ve arrived at. It’s a hotel. Or, more accurately, it's a love hotel. Designed for couples to have some privacy. 

Presumably their target is on the fifth floor, but none of the rooms have windows, so they won't be able to get into the room directly. 

‘I guess we have to… book a room.’

The pair enter the establishment, her on the right and him on the left, like always. They work in sync, a well-oiled machine whose parts fit together perfectly. Without needing to tell the other, they keep watch for threats.

The tiny lobby is nothing special; in fact, it's quite shabby and run-down, judging from the peeling wallpaper and grimy floor. 

‘Hold my hand,’ hisses Natalia. 

James blinks. ‘What?’

‘We're supposed to be a couple.’

He shrugs and takes her hand. His gloved hand is warm and firm, and it reassures her to feel his steady, unwavering strength at her side.

‘One room, please,’ says James in slightly accented Japanese. 

They pay and are handed a key. The halls are stifling and the low ceilings press down on her. 

Suddenly, a loud giggle bursts from a corner. The fire door slams open, revealing a pair of young hysterical lovers with their faces glued together. Ew, thinks Natalia. The couple break away from each other and stagger down the hall, but then one of them notices Natalia and James. 

‘Oh— hello!’ He grins hugely, obviously drunk. He then resumes making out with his lover. After a ridiculously long time they find the right door and enter their room. 

James exhales. ‘If I'm not mistaken, that was the guy we're looking for.’

‘Well, it'll be easier to do it in the night when both of them are hopefully asleep. We might as well sleep off the jet lag for now.’

James agrees, but they don't realise the problem until they get to their room. There's only one bed, and it's tiny. Obviously designed for lovers. 

‘I'll sleep on the floor,’ volunteers James. 

Natalia frowns. ‘It'll be cold, though, and I'd be willing to bet that there aren't any spare blankets.’

‘I guess if you're okay with it we could sleep in the same bed.’

‘Just for body warmth,’ affirms Natalia.

The bed really is very small. Without even trying she's squished up against James. But his presence is calming and somehow, she falls asleep to the sound of his breathing.

***

_’Mama!’_

_She whips around to face the tall woman. ‘What are you doing to my mama?’_

_Natalia tries to turn away, tries to make herself small but the woman, she’s holding her so tight. Too tight. She can’t move. She has to watch; but even as she hears the screaming she can’t look away, can’t close her eyes._

_Her mama is writhing on the floor, covered in blood. Bright, red blood, leaking from slashes and from her mouth. Natalia can’t understand. What is her mama doing? Why doesn’t she hear Natalia?_

_Someone steps into the glass room, bending down over her mama. Are they going to help her up? Probably. Maybe that’s why the tall woman isn’t doing anything. She’s already called for help. Yes, that must be it._

_But the person doesn’t help her get up, they’re doing something else to her. Natalia is confused. What’s happening? The scent of rust is acrid, wrapping everything in an acidic haze. The person is holding something long and thin, raising it high above his head. Suddenly, he brings it down on her mama with a sharp_ crack _._

_She screams._

_Her mama screams._

_Her throat is hoarse from crying but she doesn’t stop. How can she? Her mother is crying, shrieking, but even as the man continues to whip her, her mama’s voice is fading. Dying down to a low whimper._

_The tall woman’s voice cuts in, smooth and reptilian. ‘This is for your own good, darling— ‘_

_‘Don’t call me darling!’ shrieks Natalia amidst sobs. ‘Only Mama is allowed to call me that!’_

_‘I’m as good as your mama now, Natalia. I can do better than her.’_

_She hates her voice. It’s so silky and calm, as if she can’t see,_ won’t _see her mama dying right in front of her, like the death of a human being is nothing._

_Everything is stained red, bright red like the blood of her mama. Her vision is blurred and hazy. She can’t breathe properly. Everything is bruising, crushing, squeezing on her and in her ear, she can hear nothing but the tall woman’s hissing laugh. Only the laughing. She can’t hear herself think or feel or cry or breathe or—_

__

***

Natalia jolts upright. She extricates herself from James, breathing heavily. She tumbles out of bed and staggers to the bathroom. 

The smell is vile, and her hands shake as she bends over the squat toilet and retches. Her head is still full of the nightmare, replaying over and over her mother dying at the hands of the Headmistress. She shakes her head violently and clenches her fists, digging her fingernails into her palms. 

‘Nat?’ calls James from the bedroom. ‘You all right?’

His footsteps approach the bathroom. James squats down next to her and lets her rest her head on his shoulder. He's warm and strong and at last, she begins to calm down. 

‘Shh,’ he whispers. ‘I'm here. I can't promise that I'll always be here, because if I did I'd be lying. But I'm here now.’

Natalia thought she lost her home long ago, when her mother was murdered and she became a Red Room trainee. But maybe… just maybe, her home is with James. Somewhere not necessarily safe— she was never safe. But James understands her. They don't need to talk to communicate. James is almost her better half (almost, because she's too damaged and broken to really fit with anyone. Her edges are too rough, too jagged.) 

They hold each other for the rest of the night. She's so tired. God, she's exhausted, but she won't let herself sleep for fear of what lies in wait underneath her eyelids.

***

The next morning she looks into the muddy mirror and sees her hair. It's a mess, tangled like a bird's nest, but she barely notices this. What she does see, what she should have seen long ago, was the red. Brilliant fiery red hair. Red hair for a girl in the Red Room whose red-haired mother died bleeding red blood. A girl who drew more blood and ended more lives, to ensure the safety of her own. 

She grits her teeth and yanks her hood over her red, bleeding hair. 

***

James doesn't mention last night. Neither does she. Fine. That's perfectly fine. It makes things easier. Not better, maybe, but easier.

They stalk down the hall in silence. Even their footsteps make no noise on the ratty shag carpet. Her eyes dart around, watching, searching for threats. 

The couple from yesterday is here. Again. We have no reason to be here, she thinks, panicking. The stairs are on the other side of the hall. 

‘Kiss me,’ hisses Natalia to James. ‘Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable and—’

‘—we can't afford to let them see us again.’ finishes James. ‘Alright.’

So maybe she's a bit desperate. But after last night what she needs is to do something reckless and crazy, to let go of herself. But James seems to be quite happy with the idea. (She might be imagining that, though.)

She leans up to kiss James. 

It’s brilliant. 

He's not a good kisser, but then neither is she. Their teeth bang against each other at first, but he slides his hand around the back of her neck and the other around her waist, and suddenly everything seems a lot better. 

After an age they break apart. She blinks. 

‘Wow,’ she says. 

‘Wow,’ agrees James. 

She exhales. ‘We should do that more often.’

He grins mischievously. ‘They say practice makes perfect. Wanna practice?’

‘Oh, you bastard.’

This is a mistake, she thinks. Love is the one thing she can't have. To love is to expose yourself, to hand out weaknesses to enemies. But it feels good, this weakness. It's strange, but somehow their broken, fragmented souls have found each other and they're both slightly better people for it. 

They kiss again. A sincere, real kiss. It feels like home, like happiness, like peace, like all the things she never knew she had. Didn't think she could ever have. 

‘I… I think I made a terrible mistake in loving you, Natalia. But I don't regret it.’ breathes James. 

Her throat tightens. ‘I can't… can't say those words. Not yet. But… me too.’

Too many things have happened with those words, those three seemingly innocent words. But she can't say them. The whispers of old pain crawl back into the corners of her mind. 

Words, in any case, can't express something this deep, this profound. To attempt to describe Natalia and James, James and Natalia, would be to trivialize them. It is a relationship as deep and wide and mysterious as the ocean, and just as dangerous and volatile. 

They enter the target’s room on silent feet, weapons in hand. Their own twisted version of riding off into the sunset together, Natalia supposes. A better version.


End file.
